A Collection
A random collection of stuff, enjoy!
heres to my size 3-8 girls. heres to my slightly squishy ladies who, whenever they have shown the slightest discomfort in their bodies, have been shut down immediately because “i would kill to have a body like yours!!!!!” “shut the fuck up youre so skinny wtf” “youre not gonna get all gross and anorexic are you?”
heres to my girls with skinny arms but a chubby belly. heres to my girls with a double chin but impossible waistline. heres to my girls with thick thighs and a flat butt. heres to my girls with disproportionate bodies. heres to my girls who were never “skinny enough,” or “big enough.” heres to you. youre fucking flawless.
Thank you.
(via tehriz)
an-inarticulate-senseofsuburbia:
What carved me into the Bitch I am today
The last one
(via disney-princess-sized)
laser-free diet.
y'all need to hear about gerb.
gerb was my high school physics teacher. (gerb is short for mr. gerber.) when we were learning about radiation and whatnot, and we touched on radiation poisoning, gerb decided to tell us a story.
when gerb was in high school, he worked in a supermarket. a cashier. there was this one little old lady, mrs. cassopolis, who was a regular. mrs. cassopolis firmly believed that the lasers used to scan her food items would give her radiation poisoning. they tried to explain that’s not a thing. but old cass wouldn’t hear a word of it.
the employees had to punch in every. last. grocery. item. MANUALLY.
and this woman would buy cartfulls of food every week, like any good grandma trying to feed her five children and eighteen grandchildren every time they come for a Sunday visit. so pretty soon, the employees figured out a strategy to get her on her way and get on with their lives.
one or more employees would distract old cass while the cashier would scan all the items he could as fast as humanly possible while she wasn’t paying attention.
now this supermarket had a rewards program for its most efficient workers. the computer would track how quickly the cashiers scanned items, and how many total they scanned in one day, that kind of thing. so one day, gerb’s boss came to him and said “uh,”
“you scanned three hundred items in six minutes last Tuesday during your shift”
and gerb says “i recall”
“that’s about four times faster than anything i’ve ever seen”
and gerb says “yea ok”
“jeremy what happened?”and gerb says
“i had to save a little old woman from placebo radiation”
(via disney-princess-sized)
basically how all female celebrities are treated by the media
(via disney-princess-sized)
if you didn’t know stuff about humans you would think they get mad at the weirdest stuff
like one human raises their thumb to another human
that’s good, humans like that
one human raises their middle finger to another human
humans do NOT LIKE THAT
humans think that is a BAD FINGER
don’t you DARE raise that specific finger at me
any other finger is ok just not that one
Anthropology will be the hard elective in alien school.
“Is the middle finger weaponized? Does it spray a venom perhaps”
“No, student Xeepzorp, it is frail and harmless like the others”
“Fascinating”
(via disney-princess-sized)
Clary is the member of the squad that when she gets drunk tries to fight everything
jace the supportive drunk boyfriend “this couch cushion tryna start something with you?? kick it’s ass”
sober alec would prob be the mother and go, “clary, no” before picking her up. then she starts thrashing and kicking yelling “CLARY YES” and jace would probably be on the side going “YEAH CLARY FIGHT HIM” drunk (it’s either that or jace getting ridiculously upset bc “nO CLARY HE IS MY PARABATAI”)
or drunk alec would probably say all slurred, “no clary [hiccup] don’t fight it it has feelings”
magnus on the sidelines “these idiots would all be dead without me”
(via disney-princess-sized)
